A Children's Story

I wrote a story for children. It is intended to be read to children to explain evolution to them. It is written in the first person so it might be difficult for them to understand. Follow along.

MPAA: Rated PG for innuendo and some peril.

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Evolution?
A true story by Adam Hunt

Long, long ago, billions of years ago... there was a slime pit. The slime pit was composed of various forms of matter that had randomly evolved from smaller components of matter that randomly evolved from matter that was created in matter-less, oxygen-less space. In that slime pit, there randomly evolved a prokaryote named... Tim. Now Tim was a prokaryote with a big bacterial flagellum and even bigger dreams...

Man, I have to pee. That's better... You know, the human digestive system is quite amazing. How did the randomly assembled, randomly created DNA know to develop this system to expel liquid waste from my body? How did it know to separate the liquid waste from the solid waste and make two points of exit? HOW did it know that it could use the same point of exit for liquid waste and for other things? How did this randomly assembled, randomly created DNA know that the same point of exit used for expelling liquid waste would be used to interface with the exit point of a randomly created female?

Boy, it must have taken a long time for that first male human and first female human to randomly evolve their interfacing parts in order to create the third human. How did they know what to do? That must have been awkward! Did he get slapped? They must have been alive for like, a billion years, or something!

How did two randomly created humans create another human who was very non-randomly the same as them? They must have been very excited, they must have thought that this third human would randomly evolve something very exciting, like a laser arm or something to help them hunt. They just had to wait, like, a billion years.

How did they raise this third human up? Did they feed it like, steak? It seems like they would need something softer and easier to digest, like, milk or something. Where would they get milk? Ah! How convenient. The female randomly evolved glands in her randomly larger chest that produced such a substance. How fortunate!

And thus was life on Earth.

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So what did you think? I haven't heard back from any publishers yet, but I am hoping that one has randomly evolved into liking my work. Isn't incredible how exact and detailed all of these random events had to be to create life? It is almost like, well, no that seems impossible... All right, I will say it, don't laugh, OK? Well I was thinking that maybe it wasn't so random after all. Maybe, something was behind it all. Some Designer, some Author of the story, some thing that cared enough to pay attention to all that detail. It would have to be big, bigger than any one of us. It sometimes feels like that very same Designer is still involved in the events of my random life, like I don't have total control. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to run and change things, something else still happens. Am I not independent? Am I not in control of my own destiny? Aren't I responsible for all of my needs and desires? If it really is just life for 90 years and then I die, then why aren't I backpacking Australia right now?

Why am I in Indianapolis? Why did I get married? Why do I use all of my vacation time to go to Africa? Why do I send money every month to allow some child to eat and learn, isn't it his responsibility? Why does it crush my heart to see him like that? Its almost like there is something inside of me that compels me to do things. That urges my inner being to move in a certain direction. It is almost as though something is listening to the desires of my heart and doing something about it. Who could do something like that? Why? If I am just going to die and dissolve into earth, then what is the point?

But, what if there is more? What if this isn't my last stop? Where would I go then? Can I take my money? Did this place also evolve from a prokaryote? What if this same thing, this presence, this Creator, cares enough to shine light on the path before me and to guide my steps? What if this Creator were using all of the good things that happen, and the bad to move me along that path? If this Creator created me, such a complicated being, it must be smart, he must be a male. If He created me, he must have some purpose for me. He must know something that I don't. He must know that all of this that I go through will teach me something that will help me get to this next place. I bet that this feeling that crushes my heart will be useful in getting there. I bet it will even help me understand why He did this. Maybe I should use this feeling more often. Maybe others have it? Maybe I should give it to others? This is something... this is revolutionary! I will use this feeling to help people. I will use it to help them see that if they use it, then they will understand the purpose of it all, they will get to this next place. In this next place, there will be no more need for bad feelings, bad emotions. There will be no more need for that stuff because everyone who is there will have understood this feeling, this action, that helped them understand the purpose of it all. They will know this action so well that they will realize that it is everything. It needs a very good word. Let's call it "Love". This Creator is smart, and I bet He has a whole lot of Love. I bet He is frustrated because all He wants us to do is Love Him and Love others and we are worried about reality TV and gourmet coffee.

Of course, we just don't have physical proof, so forget I even said anything.